By: Tina Dube

Kim Kardashian and Amber Rose recently very nearly “broke the internet” as the cool kids would say. No, they’re not starting a school in the Eastern Cape and they didn’t invent a device that applies body lotion to your back either. The one thing they did was take a photo together. A selfieto be precise. A selfie that trended on Twitter worldwide which is no mean feat.

Now, celebrity selfies are nothing new, we’re constantly bombarded with snaps of one Grammy award winner pouting adorably next to another Oscar-winning somebody, it hardly raises any eyebrows. The commotion was all because, not only are these two bootylicous mamas with banging bodies making a living for themselves in Hollywood, but one is the current wife of a Mr Kanye West while the other is a former girlfriend of the gent. Over the last few years we have seen everything from their pictures being placed side by side with the caption “Who wore it better?” to headlines about who has the better body and who has more Instagram followers.

More recently, we have heard Kanye say on live radio that he had to take 30 showers after dating Amber Rose before Kim would let her near him (Rose is a former stripper). Of course about a year later, Kanye went on to make collateral damage out of Amber Rose during a tiff with her ex-husband Wiz Khalifa by saying “You let a stripper trap you” and other degrading things, while defending his own wife Kim. Hence the worldwide   flabbergastation (not a real word) at the selfie.

We have all seen women being pitted against each other simply because of a mutual ex, a similar kind of talent or simply because they are both extremely pleasant to look at. Amber Rose versus Kim Kardashian. Beyonce versus Rihanna or locally; Bonang versus Minnie, Minnie vs Boity and so on. The tabloids are relentless, comparing their looks, talent and if one man so much as waves hello to one while dating the other, we have that earth-shattering cover story to look forward to that Sunday. While all of this happens, male soccer players are seen at clubs together, jokingly punching each other on the arm while downing shooters together and generally basking in male camaraderie despite having dated the same socialites.

In the end it almost seems as if the poor women have no choice but hate each other because we are all human and our egos are easily wounded. One wouldn’t be surprised to have them find out years later that the cause of their rivalry was two statements from both sides that were simply never said.

If only this were limited to the rich and famous. How many times have you instantly disliked another woman on account of her being your ex’s new flame? How many times have we hated the “ho” who seduced the fully-grown man of reasonable sanity who was our boyfriend/husband but somehow forgave the good-for nothing bugger who frankly has very few or no redeeming qualities himself? The same bugger who later comes back and says “This is how you’re better than her” while we glow with stupidity and the knowledge that we are “better than her”.

And what of the men who say about a complete stranger “she has no ass, who would date that” while their big-bootied companion smiles triumphantly without realising that there is always a bigger pair of buttocks coupled with a smaller waist somewhere.

We don’t see that and I admit to having been guilty of the same thing. We are so desperate to be better that we don’t see when we are being played like dumb little chess pieces against each other. That the people we are competing in front of are distracting from their own inadequacies. It’s our job to flip this. You are not better than her, she is not better than you. You are two different human beings with different abilities and interests and your job while you’re here is to do nothing but kick ass in your own life and be a better woman than you were a day/ year/decade ago. We can’t risk raising daughters with a voice in the back of their head that tells them to identify other women in the room with robot-like precision and declare them competition.

As a wise woman once said, and I quote loosely, “Insulting another woman is not a compliment to me. It’s a competition that neither of us agreed to”.

Let’s compete for a promotion or the highest mark in that test but for god’s sakes, can we please make the rest of it stop?

1 Comment

  1. Well said…women need to find each other again for strength and encouragement. Love it

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